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Among my female friends, everyone has her category, whether she admits it or not. There’s ‘the clown’ who makes everyone around her start laughing; ‘the risk-taker’ who’s rash decisions either pay off or lead her to unpleasant situations; ‘the dreamer’ who lives day to day with hopes in her heart but not enough guts to make them happen; ‘the go-getter’ who’s dedication and drive make her successful and respected; ‘the admirer’ who always thinks the grass is greener on the other side; and ‘the giver’ who’s joy in keeping others content causes her to forget her own needs. These are only a few of the many categories that make up my friends, and a lot of other women in this world. However, a woman does not necessarily fall into just one classification. She might be ‘a dreamer’ one day, and then ‘a go-getter’ the next. Women tend to change their minds and not always know what they want. It is just our nature. Another thing we like to do is talk. And I do not imply talking trash, but just talking to each other. Women seek comfort in discussing their problems and their friends’ problems. Women are also known to listen to each other and it so happens that many of my girl friends have come to me with their troubles. Among the personality categories I mentioned earlier, I am deemed ‘the responsible one’. When they ask me for advice, I simply tell them my personal experience dealing with that situation or what I would do if faced with it. That problem-solving technique then led to the birth of the philosophy ‘WWKD’ or ‘What Would Karin Do?’ My best friend, Allison, invented it, uses it when she needs guidance in her everyday life, and it spread. Friends will contact me and ask advice for simple things such as “I need to buy a new couch - WWKD?” to more complex things such as “I found out my boyfriend is seeing someone else - WWKD?” I am not a therapist, preacher, attorney or physician, but simply a woman who has lived responsibly, listens, and offers opinions based on what I would do if faced with similar circumstances. On that note, I would like to branch out of my circle of friends and offer my advice to the readers of GAL Magazine, and give you the chance to write in your questions to me. Simply submit your questions ending with ‘WWKD’ to: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it for your chance to be heard. I would like to start these segments with a problem facing one of my dear friends. She and I talked in detail about this, and I would like to share it with you. She kindly wrote her concern down for me to use as my first column: WWKD - Friend or Lover?
My very best guy friend in the whole world has had feelings for me since high school. I kind of always suspected it, but he never actually told me until recently in an e-mail. I hoped he would never say anything because I don't return the feelings, but now he's put the word ‘love’ out there. And now I have to tell him how I feel. I'm terrified that our friendship will never be the same. I love my friend to death and he truly is the greatest, but I don't want things to be awkward between us after this either. How do I let him down and still keep the cherished relationship? WWKD? -Kim, 26 That is a pickle that a lot of people face, especially with those male/female friendships. When you have been friends since childhood, it is even more difficult. As kids, everything is fun and games, but then the unthinkable happens...puberty. That innocent friendship could turn into attraction, infatuation, or even love. Suddenly holding hands makes you blush and you cannot exactly swim around topless anymore. Your friend has these incontrollable feelings in his pants and they are directed towards you. It is overwhelming. My daddy taught me a very important lesson when I was a kid, and no one has yet to prove it wrong. He said "the only thing constant in this world is change." Think about it - the world turns, seasons change, babies are born, people die, feelings change, and friends come and go. I am not saying that the two of you will not be friends anymore, but things will probably change, and you need to be prepared for that. Of course you wish that he never said anything and your fun relationship would stay the same forever, but that would then prove my daddy wrong. I want you to take a second Kim, and think about how your friend feels. Sure, you are terrified, but he is probably about to have a heart attack. He is scared of losing you forever, but he cannot deny his heart any longer either. Think about how uncomfortable you are suspecting these feelings and then multiply the intensity by a hundred because he is the one living with it. Anyone who has ever had to live day to day knowing that you cannot be with the person you love, it literally makes your heart ache. And your friend took one of the biggest risks of his life to tell you his feelings. I doubt you have voiced your feelings for him, so he doesn’t know how you will respond. That makes him even more scared, because he knows there is a chance you will say no and he could lose you forever; but there is also that chance you will reciprocate the same feelings. Therefore, you have to handle this situation very carefully and with great respect to his emotions and what he is going through. I had a friend who admitted his infatuation for me through e-mail. I never even thought of him as a romantic option nor of him as a best friend. So if I never spoke to him again, it would not be the end of the world. However, I still respected him and handled it honestly. I told him that I did not view him that way and we should simply stay friends. Luckily, things went back to normal and we never discussed it again. But your situation is much more personal considering the strong feelings and close relationship. You have a couple options here that I would like to advise. 1 - Be honest! Nothing beats telling the truth. First of all, he confessed through e-mail because he is scared to receive your response immediately, in case it is negative. This not only allowed him more time to write down his emotions as opposed to saying it in person and stumbling through his words, but it gives you time to process your answer. So I would suggest you reply back in e-mail, allowing him time to think about your response; especially since you are, in essence, going to reject his attempt at a romantic relationship with you. Then you can talk face-to-face later on if need be. So tell him how much he means to you as a friend, and that you appreciate his honesty, but you cannot sincerely return the feelings. Do not say that you are scared to ruin the friendship; because that creates the illusion that you might have feelings, but do not want to risk it. Remember, he just risked it. Plus that will only trigger him to become more diligent in winning your affection. Do not lie either, because that could potentially lead him on only to hurt his feelings later and cause him to lose all respect for you. That would then certainly break the friendship. If you are honest, he has to respect that. After all, he somewhat expects that response; and I am sure he is prepared for it, even though he is hopeful for the more appealing one. More than likely, things will be awkward during a casual phone call or trip to the movies, but with time it should subside. Hopefully, he will realize that the two of you are not meant to be and he will move on, creating a path for innocent friendship (this is much easier if he enters a relationship with another). But there is also a chance that he will always have those feelings, especially if it is love instead of infatuation. And if the time comes where he cannot be around you anymore as just friends, then you have to find the strength to honor that and say goodbye. “The only thing constant is change.” 2 - The other option you could choose is attempting to see him in a different light. I know that everyone wants ‘love at first sight’ and the ability to ‘know’ when you have found your one and only. But life is not a fairy tale. Real relationships take work, and maybe your fun-filled friendship prohibits you from seeing your friend from a romantic point of view. I would suggest going out on a date. Before you say “whoa whoa whoa”, hear me out. Begin by letting him know that you respect his feelings and might not feel the same right away, but you would like to have the opportunity to see where it could possibly go. This curbs his attempts from being crushed completely, but shows him he should not get his hopes up either. Karin Goodhue graduated with a BA in Mass Communication from UNCA. She lives in Greenville, NC with her fiance and dog, Merlin. Karin is interested in all media, and works full time in television Promotions.
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