Written by Vashti W.

There are a lot of things in this life that I am proud to say that I have never done, such as smoking or trying drugs.  Does this make me better than the next person?  No.  I have learned through my trials and Lord knows there have been some trials, that some of the very things that you say you will never do – you will do if the situation presents itself.  I have a close circle of friends that I tend to share those moments with but realize that others can learn by sharing those experiences as well.  There are some days where I feel I am on a roller coaster (and I suffer motion sickness) and there are some that are so calming that they are surreal.  I’m in my 30s now and really feel that I’ve just started to live – made some mistakes and some I’m not so proud of, but what if I could prevent another woman from making those same mistakes.  Let me begin addressing one and we’ll get to know each other more as my story unfolds.  The one mistake that is vivid and most tender is that of marrying my best friend.  I detest women who state with a smug look – “My husband is my best friend!”

Now there is problem with the above statement.  Really, he is your best friend?  So when are sick and tired of him, you complain to him?  When you are having an argument and wish that he was under a rock – you confide in him?  When you suspect he’s cheating – you lean on his shoulder about how to confront him about himself?  When you wonder if he still loves you although you’ve gained a little weight – you ask him?  Ladies they don’t think like us and they don’t react the way we do.  And how can you be in love with your best friend?  My best friend and my partner have two very different definitions – now.  The old me would say yes they can be one in the same and maybe my experience has left me somewhat bitter.  I looked at my husband as my best friend and knew in my gut that there was a different type of love that we had for each other.  His relationship, being a man, started out as lust and became love.  Mine started out as friendship and then admiration.  I saw him as someone who treated me nicely and who I could “learn” to love.  These are my mistakes.   I don’t make any excuses for why he cheated because I believe we both deserved more than we got in that relationship.   I do blame him for destroying another relationship.  You don’t sleep with your friend’s wife and expect him to forgive you.  So in the end he lost two friends.  I felt as if I had experienced a death but also a sense of relief.  That charade was now over.  If I had been more honest with myself, it would have ended long before that situation occurred.  I wanted a relationship where I was madly in love with the man of my dreams.   The arguments would confirm our differences but there would also be passion.  We share so many things but remain individuals  - you have your friends and I have mine.  Maybe I’m just a dreamer because I believe those things are possible.  And that has started a whole different chapter for me – starting over in my 30s, but this time with a list of the things I need and expect from the next relationship.     Oh yea, and one of the things I said I would never do is date on line.  Match.com is starting to look real good to me compared to the locals. LOL  So my journey begins.

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Vashti W. is a local writer and mother of 3.  She uses her writing to come to terms with her life and thinks of each story as a lesson and a map.  She knows where she has been and has a course plotted where she would like to end up.  Destination - Happiness.