| Notes of an Alternadad: An Introduction |
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Written by Dustin Talley I hate when people ask me about the marriage ceremony when I mention my “wife”. It’s not that I’m some grump who hates to recall the details or am too embarrassed by what I did at the bachelor party the night before, quite the contrary. I’m usually quite vocal about most aspects of my life (even some aspects that others would rather not know about) which is a good thing when you work at a coffee shop where people are looking to escape the stresses of work and family with a nice specialty coffee drink and a story about how you forgot to peel the shrimp before you put them in the salad. No, I’m not shy about things and I would give every tiny little detail about the wedding except for one small problem; it never happened. Oh sure, I joke. I say “oh we’ll do it when we find the time” or “ well, we just forgot”, but the truth is that we have plenty of time and great memories, we just don’t feel ready and don’t actually have a prescribed religion under which to get married. That is understandable this day and age and would leave us without question from those around us if that were simply the case, but alas, we have a child and that just seems to complicate things. And actually, our child wouldn’t even complicate things too much if it were “our” child. Let me explain. My “wife” and I met in Durham a few years ago while waiting tables at the same overpriced, Italian restaraunt and after a whole three days decided that we should move in together. Things were looking great, we shared an interest in good music and literature, dark beer and bedroom sports, so after a couple of weeks we moved to Wilmington, North Carolina. Well, we both went to school and after she graduated, we decided to sell everything we owned and moved to Seattle, Washington with three suitcases and a dog. Mind you we had never been to Seattle and didn’t know a soul so the only obvious choice was to move there with no car, no job, and no plan on how to make a life there. I’ll tell you all about this in great detail as you get to know me. Suffice it to say that after a while, and due to many different variables, she moved back to NC while I stayed. During that time we both had other relationships but still talked at least once a day and remained best friends, the thing that had kept us together for years. The day she told me she was pregnant with her current live-in boyfriend’s child I was ecstatic for her. I knew how bad she had always wanted a child and that made the news great. She was not so sure. Having confided in me the weaknesses of their relationships and finally, telling me that she could not have a child with the father, they broke up. I have to this day never met the man and that is because his absence made it evident that the breakup was a relief. Good riddance to bad rubbish. We talked and decided that it would be a good idea for me to move back and take the father role on. Well, after 14 hours of labor, lots of tears, and one 7.2 ounce little boy later here I am, sitting at a computer spilling my guts about my situation. I want to make “Notes of an Alternadad” my little way of expressing my feelings and emotions about fatherhood. My own little diary made very public. I want to question how you raise a little boy the best way you know how. How do I teach my son that every religion is the right religion for someone? That you can love whomever you like without regard to race, religion, or even gender. How do I teach him that football’s quarterback and poetry’s quatrain are both important? How do I teach him that curse words are not bad if used tactfully and alcohol is not a bad thing if you use some common sense? How do I teach him to win fights with his brains if he can and with his fists if he needs to? These are things I look forward to figuring out and would like to share the process of doing so with you, if you care to listen. |
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