Written by L.D. Lee

The conversation began innocently enough when a co-worker said “don’t take this personally but don’t you ever feel a little guilty about being so old with such a young child”? (I’m 47 and my daughter is 6) She continued, “I’m just wondering if you think it’s fair to her that you don’t have the energy and enthusiasm you used to and do you worry that she may not have a well rounded childhood as a result of your inability to keep up? “I’m just that I’m not sure that women should have change of life babies”.

I believe I actually lost consciousness for a moment. The outrageousness of the question, coupled with my strength being sapped from suppressing the urge to just “smack her one” had momentarily rendered me immobile and mute.

Recovering from the shock of the question, I opted instead to teach this 27 year old childless young woman a lesson in being a real grown woman. Speaking in my best rehearsed,maternal, non-judgmental, but hold on sister cause you’re fixin’ to learn something tone of voice, I shared my story.

With my then only child beginning her senior year in college, and finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, this 40 year old finds out that it’s not an early onset of menopause causing me to feel not quite up to par, but rather I’m pregnant. I’ll admit that it took a while to get my brain wrapped around the idea but, you can’t imagine what a rush it’s been since.

I had a ball. I wore all the really hot maternity clothes that were in no way the tent like fashions of the first pregnancy. Tight shirts, short skirts, I was rocking this hot momma trend to the hilt. I even had a one piece swimsuit. No overskirt here folks.

I tried to explain to this young woman the glory of learning new things about yourself in life and then getting a second chance to share them with a new life. I can still do a cartwheel. Perhaps not with the grace of my twenties, and the recovery time is a bit longer, but it’s done with a heart and soul I didn’t even know I possessed when I’d given birth to my first daughter 22 years earlier.

So caught up in making sure that I did everything right, I didn’t have a lot of fun. I viewed parenting as a job instead of a journey. There were rules darn it and they had to be followed. All the experts said so. Not adhering to the advice of the parenting guru du- jour would surely result in raising a child with self esteem issues, potty training trauma, etc. At the very least I’d wind up with a juvenile delinquent because I raised my child using my instincts and good old common sense.

Well I have a news flash so save your self the trouble of learning the hard way and just trust me on this one. We are the experts. The “forty-something’s” know who we are, where we’re going and how to bring our kids along for the ride in a way that we all grow in the adventure.

I wasn’t trying to convince her that having kids when you’re young doesn’t have its perks, but instead that you couldn’t dismiss an entire segment of the population as tired and unenthusiastic because they’re over 40.

No longer mentally chained into child rearing by- the- book, I can sleep perfectly well with a sink full of dishes which didn’t get done because we were playing Barbie’s. I don’t even think of working on a writing project until the house is dark for the night. I traded in the sixty hour work weeks for a lower paying job that allows me to go on field trips and bowling birthday parties. My priorities are different. There are stories to read, games to play, and I don’t want to miss a thing.

I can sing the entire soundtrack of High School Musical (One and Two), and my daughter and I are madly studying the dance steps so we can dance along with the movie. I took great pride in informing her that Billy Ray Cyrus is someone besides Hannah Montana’s dad! See, mom knows some stuff.

I spent a recent Friday night working the cotton candy machine at the elementary school fair. My hair knotted with blue cotton candy, and working up quite a sweat from the heat of the machine, I was in my glory. Eating cold cafeteria pizza and lukewarm soda, it may have been the best Friday night of my life.

I could see the understanding come over my co-worker’s face. She got it. I said “my age doesn’t define me, my joy does and I’ve found my joy”.
“Now you find yours and you can do anything”.

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